Sound off!

being manipulative is the no. 1 dealbreaker. not to say playing stupid games and all that

arrogance is a pain in my a*s, so not flattering at all I would just want to punch u in your face...lol

Lying! And when she is completely bonkers---AKA my ex girlfriend haha! Lack of independence and ambition is kind of a turn off too

Controlling behaviour is a no-no, as is clinginess and lying. I think most issues can be worked out with counselling. Also being in a relationsip that had become sexless would have me saying buh bye.

Talkingcat makes a good point; a lot of what people have mentioned here are actually characteristics that would determine whether I started a relationship or not. But people can change. So, the deal is off if there is a lack of communication, and thus a loss of trust, infidelity, denigration, domination, and what? No sex? Only a couple people have mentioned it, but if there is no sex, then there is no relationship, it's a friendship.

yeah. keeping the conversation going in a compassionate way should help to resolve most things between two people who are committed. Gosh knows when we decide to be an relationship with another, we are have no idea what kind of challenges lay ahead. Sometimes one person in the relationship may deal with those challenges a bit differently..i.e: start smoking and drinking..do we just leave at that point?

dont lie to me , its number one

I'm seconding what chocolatpuddin', cattitude and talkingcat had to say ~

cruelty

cattitude is pretty awesome. mhmmm.

I have read alot of the comments to this question and find that i am rather confused. To me alot of them wouldnt even be deal staters let alone deal breakers ie: spelling and grammer, smoking.
For me a deal breaker in a relationship is lying and silence. If the lies begin then the person is doing something they know would upset their partner. When silence falls in a relationship and no more talking can work things out then the relationship to me is gone.

Just my thoughts.

Keep smiling it helps the world go around...

not so much characteristics...

if we have a negotiated way of doing things in relationship and the other person willfully and intentionally breaks the agreed-upon rules of the agreement, then they've effectively lost my trust. no trust = no relationship

chocolatpuddin you are not shallow we all want sex to be part of our relationships just... well....ok maybe you are shallow, but we appreciate you for it!!:>

Drug use, co-dependency, smoker, abusive, anger issues, controlling...just to name a few. ;) I've gotten pretty picky over the last few years.

hmmm, am i the only person who has issues with this inability to be sexual in a r/s? I may actually be shallow...darn!

-Really terrible B.O
-Clinginess
-Drug reliance

I've thought about this all weekend and still come up with there is no real deal breaker, all problems can be solved with loving compassion as long as the discussion continues.

_Conformists.
_Drunken, violent people.
_Not passionate about life.
_Possesive person that takes away my freedom.
_Square-minded gals.

*Name calling
*The Silent Treatment
*Telling me how/when to express my emotions.
*Drugs and uncontrolled drinking.
*Screaming
*Interrupting constantly
*The inability to be comfortable with oneself and the inability to be comfortable on ones own.

I completely disagree with you, newfemme. I think many 'OCD' tendencies are sexy.

My question is:
How SuperDyke will be dressed for Halloween ?

drugs thats my deal breaker

Okay hand me the soap box:
Well, in the short term, we can likely put up with anything, especially if the relationship is not serious. However, in a long term commitment, there are two main problems that kill relationships:
1) need for control/possesivness/unfounded jealousy (comes from fear and insecurity that only that individual can fix. You can't fix that for them. They need counseling) and 2) lack of transparency/ openness/ trust.

In addition, I would add numourous compulsive behaviour/s (Could be OCD, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex [if you can imagine]), being critical of your partner without giving lots of compliments to balance it, jumping to conclusions about your partners intentions or behaviour without checking it out with them, odd behaviour like stalking, spying, snooping through your girlfriends things and then making assumptions, playing GAMES because you are trying to protect yourself or you want to have more than one person at once, not asking for what you need, not willing to be vulnerable and so becoming passive/aggressive and indirect- drives your partner batty and drains the energy from the relationship overtime, and gossiping/drama... instead of taking up a sport or doing something more positive.
What works: the flip side: trust, transparency, willing to be vulnerable ask for what you need honestly, care about how your partner feels instead of yourself all the time, being close and yet allowing for independence- interdependence. Do things together, also with friends apart from your partner and do things alone and still feel secure and trusting within the relationship. That way you guys have lots to talk about and able to grow within the relationship and feel like you're not giving up yourself to have the love you need.
Making yoru partner feel that they are importnat to you and your priority is helpful. Anything less is sure to lead to complacency and poor self esteem- fading out of the relationship over time which then makes you vulnerable to newness and excitement from a new chicky. You need to keep dating your partner/girlfriend. Let others know she's the one for you...

I agree with acid_burn..... >_>

liers

There was no-one else in the field (nor even any livestock) though I'm not sure I really cared one way or the other. I turned to kiss Erin full on the mouth, and this time the kiss quickly grew into something very passionate, both of us with the other's face in our hands. I pushed Erin back against the trunk of a tree that was a few feet behind her, not that she put up much of a fight. Her hands were now around my waist under my jacket, and our lips clashed with something close to violence. I needed her at that moment - a weakness I would never have admitted - and I had to make it happen.

I started to kiss her neck and the bottom of her jaw and as I did this Erin let out a breathy 'Laura!' and I worried that my knees would buckle just at that. I ran my lips to the top of her chest, to where her shirt was buttoned, and brought my hands up to start work on undoing it. I felt Erin's hands come round to my front and she was pressing quite hard, reflective, I felt, of the arousal and urgency she seemed to be feeling.

But then I realised that what she was doing was pushing me back. Her breathing had slowed, though she was still panting somewhat.

'Not yet, not here,' she muttered.

People who like a lot of drama in their life...

Liars and insecure partner masking as arrogant psychopaths.

I find many of the answers on here to be quite unexpected and shocking. I love myself some good violence and infidelity. Liars, cheaters, murderers, flakes, fakes, drug-users, asswipes, please DO apply within!

I'll be waiting. ;) *seductive pose*

When someone has a a really, really long dealbreaker list... it's a dealbreaker.

peeple hoo cant spel reel goud

love and forgiveness are pretty big words; it takes a lifetime to figure them out

I agree with Plum; poor spelling and poor grammar turn me off completely. A lack of intelligence and an inability to be logical are also extremely unattractive to me. Someone should be curious about her world and work to inform herself about it; knowledge in many forms should be a passion for her. Intellectual complacency leads to an annoying and/or boring partner.

Of course, I also agree with much of what other people have said here but is it not obvious that we all want to be treated well by someone who is mature, reliable, affectionate, and drug-free?

LOL at the undies comments :P Anything in the category of abusive (towards themselves or others). being excessively shallow. :)

When someone is over confident, it is usually a big red flag on insecurity.
I agree with ashnight67, drinking for the wrong reasons and drugs in general are a big turn off.

Drinking for the wrong reasons (ex: when you're angry or sad. Drinking WONT make it better, it just makes it worst. I know), Drugs for the wrong reasons (same as before).
I have no problem with people who go out and party. Hey, I do it too! But when people are resorting to mind-altering substances as an escape, and do it regularly? That's when I start to have a problem.

when pinkhexagon wears superdyke style undies to bed

Superdykes weird undies... what's with the blonde bush stripe????

1. Lying
2. Cheating
3. Dishonest
4. Violence and excessive anger
5. Drinking every day
6. Smoking pot to solve problems cause it doesn't work!
7. Drugs
8. Jealousy and mentioning of exes to prove something

if the person does not like cats or is unfriendly.

Lack of respect/lack of self-respect are all-encompassing for me. If you truly understand the meaning of respect and self-respect, then there should not be any cheating, lying, violence, or any other type of unacceptable behaviour.

Drinking excessively, smoking ANYTHING, doing any drugs, being a jerk (and not a funny one, i mean a full-out jerk), being mean for no reason, being cruel, and having a dick.

running around in circles. Not only is it a sad thing for them as they get lost and confused by their own dizzy spells, but it makes me sick and tired just watching them. You don't necessarily have to walk in a steady straight line, but seriously, no circles!

Ok, apparently I am just awful, my # 1 deal breaker is being mean to my kids, #2...lack of sex. Sex isn't the be all and end all, but there is NO excuse for withholding intimacy, I understand sometimes, but it is cruel to not pay attention to your partner's needs as much as your own, it's one thing if your partner wants it 6/7 times a day, but what's wrong with 2/3 times a week?

Ohhh;; also hate flakes , people that dont do what they say or say what they do.. broken promises.

Bad temper; uncontrollable anger, emotional/verbal abuse.Any kind of abuse really. someone who doesnt know how to communicate their anger constructively and calmly.

drug and or Alcohol abuse lying just hate dihonesty

- ANY illicit drugs including weed (go ahead, call me uptight!)
- not liking the outdoors
- inability to challenge me (if you can't periodically prove me wrong about something, then we're done)
- financial instability
- materialism
- the obvious: lack of independence, poor communication skills, cheating, lying, abuse, racism, sexism, anti-semitism and other '-isms.'
- bringing up your ex's too frequently
- not being out
- not enjoying what you do for a living


And most important: If my dog doesn't like you, then it's over.

1. Violence/pain infliction - this is an indication of lack of respect and controlling behaviour.
2. Dishonesty - cause it makes me think that any bond that was shared just became a fantasy that did not really exist.
3. Refusing to take responsibility for oneself.
4. Withholding affection or trust when disagreements happen.
5. Needing to change me.
I say love like you have never been hurt. Accept the beauty in all people you meet as sacred. Honor yourself, by being present with those you love. Be compassionate when you are angry or disappointed..I always like to say what i want rather than what I don't want so I couldn't resist. ;)

I must say I agree with Winddancerr ,controlling,and any demeaning,or hitting,no one makes another hit that is done by choice.We have that control to choose to walk away, by hitting you have violated another,and there are no exceptions. Second thing that is a deal breaker with me is when another cannot give back intimately and just takes showing a lack of awareness that another needs affection as well.No one should have to ask to have their needs met ,and if you do tell them and they still don't get it then be honest and tell them its not working.Accepting someone as is no buts!!!!!

Poor spelling and grammar. That is all.

For me infidelity,lying and excessive drinking or drugs.Respect is important to me and I seek a partner who is of a healthy mind.One who can accept our differences and not try and change who I am.Loyalty is also a big one for me.I would rather be single than settle for less than.

Well i think it is important to be on the same wavelength; if youre not it leads to disappointment for all. For example, if someone is looking for monogamy and the other is polyamorous, .... well you get the picture. I think the biggest 'deal breaker', is just a lack of honesty and sincerity. Be who you are, and be up front about it. Id also say, control issues, dominance by one over the other, disrespect, any kind of demeaning or onesidedness, and of course, of course no hitting whatsoever.

If the don't value their health-excessive drinking,smoking,or drugs. If they aren't loyal. If they have a negative attitude. If they aren't independent.

If someone I'm seeing starts doing drugs. That would be the deal breaker. I don't care about weed or acid or little drugs like that. But if they start doing coke, heroin or speed it's an immediate deal breaker. That and cheating.

an inability to put the shoe on the other foot.

i need someone to be honest, open minded, willing to compromise, is romantic and doesn't mind me wanting to have seperate friends..also you just gotta be sarcastic or you'll think i'm a bitch