 Thread: Do dykes have sex with men? |
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I'm pretty astonished at the hostility on this thread... but then again I shouldn't be. Some see the label "Dyke" synonimous with "Lesbian" which is most commonly defined/ assumed to be "bio-women" who sleep with other "bio-women". The "lesbian" community has a history of discriminating against butch/ trans-men etc... I personally find the term lesbian has historical connotations of second-wave feminism and femininity that I personally don't ascribe too.
However, I'll defend anyone's right to identify as such... even if I personally don't. I'm definetly on the "queer" ballot now. But that is a personal decision... I still use the term "dyke" to self identify. I'm sleeping with and in love with a man. I won't reveal wether either he or I are biologically male, or female.... cuz it doesn't matter. (not that there aren't more options than that)....
So, to get back to answering the question. YES. Dykes can sleep with whomever they want (including "men" trans, bio or what have you) and still be dykes... wether it be for nsa sex, paid sex, love, nostalgia, boredom, curiosity, intrigue, orgasms, to double check, revenge, because its tuesday, ETC....
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| Thread: Crocheting Diva and forgotten ways. |
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Well I crochet, but I taught myself that. My gran taught me how to knit, but i didn't enjoy it (hate dropping stitches) My aunt learned from my grandfather, he was an amazing knitter for a large conservative european man. He learned while in hospital with TB. There was radio and no tv, and often no radio> so he learnt. He taught my oldest aunt and passed all his stuff to her for her to teach whomever... he was an orderly in a hospital and a mechanic and no longer had free time to knit... because all of his time was in work and food security... growing food for our family.
Which brings me to canning, both sides of my family... male and female contribute to food security, in fishing or gardening or trapping and hunting and we all can. I taught my ex-husband when in my early twenties and he still does it. My kids are learning.
We tend a garden no matter where we live, even if it is on the patio or in a window, we have stores of food for winter, fruit, veggies and meat (canned fish or moose usually). I'm hoping to get licensed this year for hunting elk.... or atleast mooch of friends who are. Almost everyone I know gardens either at home or in a community garden. I volunteer with fruit tree projects usually where I live.
I don't sew well with a machine, but handsew well. Someday I'd like to figure that out more. My brother is a clothing designer so... I tend to leave that to him. I gather free food too, berries mostly.... A friend has started knitting in the round, to make socks, I might get her to teach me. My son is learning to knit. He's 8, it's his second year.
SO, My parnter bakes bread from memory, from scratch (i'm a recipe kinda person) and I'm finding that my kitchen is now full of staples to make stuff. We eat frugally but insanely well. INCREDIBLY well on a very tight budget... Instead of presents this year, we sent recipes 
Much different from when I was in school full time and working full time/ I'll be doing that again soon, so it's nice to have someone who can share the responsability with me.
I'm hoping this year to pickle more things... make twice as much preserves (we end up giving SO much away) and bake more. Over the holidays I learnt how easy it was to make flour from almonds....
talk about easy gourmet. Almond waffles anyone?
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| Thread: expectations |
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I really appreciate what you're saying Redneck Angel. We all have a part.
I've been the dump-ER, who never got closure, lol.... but in time. All things find closure... even if we don't like it. I've also been the dump-EE who desperately wanted to have a more fitting end and was denied. The first person I loved, I dumped for my own reasons, and never got closure FROM them, but found myself better able to resolve and process my feelings than they would ever have been able to process with me.
It's often challenging with kids involved. I have children, and cut off an ex in a non-descriptive manner, ie. suddenly and sans explanation because it was what I needed to do. Not the most "mature" they would say, and they said it was un-fair to anyone who would listen... it certainly did not shift my resolve not to engage with them, needless to say, with my kids. It was a choice I made as a parent, an ex-partner and as a human who just couldn't _______ anymore. Didn't stop me from caring about them, just engaging.
I have also lost contact with on of my step-children due to a break up. Was summarily dismissed and made history. A child I helped raise from a year old... now, is a stranger to me. It still smarts, but I also know that what I contributed to their life was healthy and that they will always have that with me, should our paths cross again. I have had my kids abandoned by a partner... and they also recovered from that. It taught them something about their instincts and while I hated to have them experience that, I know we will get thru our losses together.
So I don't know how the kids are involved in your situation... I'm just saying it could all be alright...
drd
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| Thread: expectations |
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Ok, I just want to wrap you up in a big hug. So first things first *HUG * And here's what I wanted to respond with to your very heartfelt posting:
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Originally posted by Hippie
I have set really high expectations for my life and my love. Some are granted and some are very far fetched. |
I would emplore you to keep high standards, why settle for less than you know you want? I know for me having high standards, without expectations took some of the sting out of dating for me...
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This person who recently broke my heart has stayed away and moved on with their life. I can't but feel jealous. I miss my old life and what we had. I have tried to move on and meet someone but no one seems to fill these huge shoes left on my door step. |
I believe you have everything you need to feel loved and be loving.... with or without them.
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I just have these dreams that everything will work out. but will it?
I have never been in love before this and it really sucks. |
It will work out I'm sure, probably not the way you planned, or might even be able to imagine right now, but it will work out.
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| I just want this person to come back and make things right. not nessesarily be with me but just give me some closure. |
I've been on both the receiving, and the giving end of this type of equation. It is HARD to not feel like you have closure, or to bve the one who can't provide it for the one you've left. Sometimes it just ends like that.
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| be the man that he so wants to be, and not the little girl he's acting like. |
. This seems like a statement made in hurt and fear and I doubt that it will make you feel better.
Be well, be gentle with yourself, and its cliche, but the first one always hurts the worst...
drd
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| Thread: new section LGBTI rights? |
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I think it's a great idea and would make it easier to know where to post alot of things
drd
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| Thread: Trans Day of Remebrance Today |
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I would like to take this moment to remember,
to remember that trans folk
- are loveable and loving
- deserve every happiness
- are amazing parents
- are amazing children
- are wonderful partners and soulmates
- are pretty and handsome, hot and sexy
- are accepted and adored
- are deserving of kindness and humanity
- are deserving of being heard
- are healthy
- are worth honor, acceptance, love and celebration
in solidarity,
drd
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| Thread: Pregnant Man Expecting Second Child |
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No dear earth angel I didn't say that. I am not generalizing, I am being specific. What I do take issue with is why there is the need to question their intent, motivation, desire to be parents, because Thomas, a man, happens to be a tranny and have a uterus. That it is a personal identity that is being questioned. I find it troubling that so many in the glbtq (within which there is much lateral violence-discrimination, particularly towards trans individuals) wanted 1. them not to be pregnant, 2. to keep quiet about it, 3. to question their choice in a way that invalidates and questions the right of any trans person to desire or carry a child. Thomas has autonomy over his body, and noone has the right to question that. If you read what I wrote, I said I find it troubling that so many in are questioning their pregnancies and family "in THIS way", not with an air of understanding, but of judgement.
I did ask if it would have been easier for folks to accept had he had children before transition than after? and why? Thomas has a male appearance, identifies as male and yes that can be stereotyped, but just because his appearance is conventional doesn't mean he has to follow all conventional male ideology.
drd
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| Thread: Pregnant Man Expecting Second Child |
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I do think that many identify as "male" without "drastic" physical changes. I don't think the changes he went thru were "drastic". I think judging top surgery as "drastic" is "reactive" and "inflamatory." If you have a breast reduction surger or a mastectomy, should that stop anyone from being a parent? Or birthing someone? The changes SEEM radical because he was a model when he was categorized as female, but had he been "butchy" would the change seem so radical?
I think it is easy to stereotype trans folk, and men in general, which is not the same thing as reality. Yes some reinforce stereotypes, sure both by accident and on purpose. Thomas defies the stereotypes, which is what makes folks uncomfortable and unwilling to understand. What is so wrong with a man carrying a child? I guess it's ok for Arnold Schwartzenegar and Dani Devito to star in a movie about that "unlikely" occurance and when it actually happens, it is upsetting to some of the mainstream, but to have it questioned like this in our own community is upsetting.
Why is it that taking testosterone and having facial hair means then that being pregnant is inappropriate or absurd? I think you're proving the point is that Thomas and his wife are doing something very natural, building a family, very hetero-normative. What isn't hetero-normative is that the father is carrying the child... Because "men" don't do that. it upsets the belief of binary gender that most of our world is based on. Well, this lucky man has done what most men can't, would it be more comfortable if he had the children BEFORE he transitioned? WHY?
I come from a culture that celebrates those that carry children as sacred, that can accept those that identify with different genders/ sexualities (as unstagnant and fluid), and celebrates the gifts that come in supernatural form. I guess perhaps coming from a culture that judges, dissects and rejects the different, I could see how the mainstream society would find the act of a man carrying a child to term, birthing her, and raising her a threat. Because it challenges everything the mainstream teaches about masculinity and feminity and the justification for the gender divides. Apparently they are not so cut and dry.
I think watching the interview and listening to them speak about their own experience, rather than judging WHY they would make that decision, would be beneficial for anyone wanting to understand their decisions. I know I will read their book and our family is simply accepting them tell their truth. Personally, I find the question of WHY, absurd. WHY NOT?
drd
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| Thread: Pregnant Man Expecting Second Child |
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There are so many considerations with each surgery involved in the medical part of transition and each part is not for everyone... There are risks with continuing on T and not having the uterus etc... removed... I do agree with Arachnia that how one undergoes transition is a deeply personal and multi-layered decision.
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| But I'm not talking just the urge to be a parent, but actually go through the motions of carrying and birthing a child - since transmen seem to want to be traditionally male in appearance, I would assume they would also want to be traditionally male in the "males do not birth babies" category? |
Well I would take this couple, and the mention of the other trans couples who have had children that the assumption of what a man is, wants and does is not accurate. Regardless of what mainstream society perpetuates. A man no longer has to be categorized or assumed to be a baron, non-child carrying breeder. I think that it's wonderful that Thomas knows himself well enough, and is secure enough in his masculinity, to take on pregnancy and childbirth for his family. I love that his wife is nursing, and that her body responded to their pregnancy to lactate without medication. Just another example of how completely natural this is.
No, not all trans men want to be pregnant, but not all trans men are straight either. I know several gay/bi and straight trans men whom would love to be, or refuse to be pregnant as well... it's not for everyone, but that doesn't mean if its right for you, you shouldn't undertake it, talk about it, or celebrate it.
Which I think is an important part of this discussion. Why not celebrate? Why the idea that this SHOULD be kept quiet, not discussed openly?
drd
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| Thread: Pregnant Man Expecting Second Child |
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I'm proud of them for coming out, particularly in spite of the death threats. Giving in to that kind of pressure seems like the safest thing to do, in a certain light anyways.... But that has a very closeted impact doesn't it. Who wants to raise their children in secret, let alone carry them thru pregnancy. Who's to say that being in the public eye doesn't offer them MORE protection than less. Trans folk are at a very high potential for violence as it is, I certainly don't think being open and honest about being trans and pregnant should bring them any grief. And yes... I think it would be wrong to expect a reality show in the near future... I think what would be good to expect for them is a safe and happy pregnancy #2 and a wonderful and joy filled life with their family.
Not being able to identify with wanting to be pregnant or give birth is one thing. Assuming because one is of a certain gender, one does not have the urge to parent is another. I know several who would like to, men that is, trans and not. Perhaps, since admitedly it is an urge you don't understand, nor one that you want to, that ya might be projecting some. Why would a man desire to carry a child? To be a parent. In this case, his wife was not able to, so he undertook the pregnancy. If you saw the whole interview, they did speak about his hormone therapy and some of the effects on his body... and on hers... since she is the one nursing their daughter.
I wonder if the story wouldn't be as sensational if he hadn't been such a beauty queen before his transition and she hadn't been a body builder?
I found they handled themselves with good humour, patience to Barbara's questions, and took her response to their second pregnancy in stride... since she did not offer a congratulations. I would find it incredibly uncomfortable to talk to Barabara Walters about my genitalia, sex life, penis, organs let alone to be so candid. (I wonder if they'll add the intereview to "questions not to ask a trans person"?) I did think that there was atleast an attempt at exploring the issue on the show by interviewing another trans family (a gay male couple), and a midwife who works with queer and trans parents.... whom also said they weren't the first, which does not surprise me one bit.... which also makes me happy.
I like that there is a mainstream discussion happening around transition, I don't think we're "there" yet on having full integration, but am greatly relieved that it is happening. I felt terrible that they had to go thru such extensive attempts to obtain insemination but am greatly relieved that they have been able to conceive, birth and conceive again.
Did anyone else see that Tyra banks is going to pay for the surgery to complete the transition of the Transgendered Woman who competed on America's Next Top Model?
drd
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| Thread: Pregnant Man Expecting Second Child |
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We're building a nite around it. I wish that my vcr still worked, I wanted to tape it. I hope to find it on YouTube after to discuss with family. When we heard they was pregnant again, instilled even more hope...
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| Thread: The Trans day of rememberance is November 20th. |
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Incidently here are some of the names to remember:
2004
Mickey Smith - Precious Armani - Augusto Munoz - Cedric Thomas
Pedro Ramos - Darryl Fearon - Gennaro Rizzo - Tony Green
Leandro Bispo Esatavo - Rivera Rene - Divas B - Joel Robles
Bella Martinez - Andre - Ryan Shey Hoskie - Penny Port
Felicia Moreno - Alejandra Galicio - Luana - C. Hernandez
2005
Karlien Carstens - Phool Yadav - Eddie Chou Lee - Timothy Blair, Junior
Amancio Corrales - Ashley Nickson - Robert Binenfeld - Kasha Blue - Julio Argueta
Marisa - Ronnie Paris, Junior - Mylène - Nolene Jansen - Irene - Lisa D
Christina Smith - Kaseem Juanda - Donathyn Rodgers
2007
Nakia Baker - Keittirat Longnawa - Moira Donaire - Michelle Carrasco
Ruby Rodriguez - Erica Keel - Bret Turner - Victoria Arellano - Oscar Mosqueda
Maribelle Reyes
2008
January 8th - Patrick Murphy, Age 39 - Albuquerque, New Mexico, United States - Shot multiple times in the head.
January 22nd, in her 20s - Fedra - Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia - Found dead in a pool of blood.
January 23rd - Adolphus Simmons, Age 18 - Charleston, North Carolina, United States - Shot to death while taking out the trash.
February 4th - Ashley Sweeney - Detroit, Michigan, United States - Found dead in Detroit's East Side, shot in the head.
February 10th - Shanesha Stewart, age 25 - The Bronx, New York, United States - Stabbed to death.
February 12th - Lawrence King, age 15 - Oxnard, California, United States - Killed by a fellow student after being asked to be Lawrence's valentine.
February 15th - Cameron McWilliams, age 10 - South Yorkshire, England, United Kingdom - Suicide by hanging.
February 22nd - Simmie Williams, Jr, Age 17 - Fort Lauderdale, Florida, United States - Killed by two gunmen.
March 15th - Luna, Age 42 - Lisbon, Portugal - Beaten to death, and thrown in a dumpster.
May 26th - Felicia Melton-Smyth - Puerto Vallarta, Mexico - Stabbed.
July 1st - Ebony Whitaker, Age 20 - Memphis, Tennessee - Shot to death.
July 11th - Rosa Pazos - Sevilla, Spain - Stabbed in the throat in her apartment.
July 17th - Angie Zapata, Age 17 - Greeley, Colorado, United States - Beaten to death.
...and those whose names we'll never know...
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| Thread: Questions not to ask Transsexuals |
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So, This is a link on How to Respect a Trans person. It's pretty simple and not exhaustive but for those struggling, it's a start.
there is also a wiki on how to respect GLTBQ Folk, here.
Not that dissimilar.
drd
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| Thread: The Trans day of rememberance is November 20th. |
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From gender.org
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The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999. Rita Hester’s murder — like most anti-transgender murder cases — has yet to be solved.
Although not every person represented during the Day of Remembrance self-identified as transgendered — that is, as a transsexual, crossdresser, or otherwise gender-variant — each was a victim of violence based on bias against transgendered people.
We live in times more sensitive than ever to hatred based violence, especially since the events of September 11th. Yet even now, the deaths of those based on anti-transgender hatred or prejudice are largely ignored. Over the last decade, more than one person per month has died due to transgender-based hate or prejudice, regardless of any other factors in their lives. This trend shows no sign of abating.
The Transgender Day of Remembrance serves several purposes. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgendered people, an action that current media doesn’t perform. Day of Remembrance publicly mourns and honors the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. Through the vigil, we express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. Day of Remembrance reminds non-transgendered people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers. Day of Remembrance gives our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who’ve died by anti-transgender violence. |
There are other descriptions,but this one was pretty conscise. If you google TDOR you can find more information.
drd
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| Thread: Ft St John Coffee Meet |
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I'm a northerner stuck in the south
I actually have a good friend in Moberly....
drd
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| Thread: Questions not to ask Transsexuals |
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I will point out, that although some of you might know me in person, noone here knows how I currently identify either by sexuality or gender, nor that of my partner/s... NOR do I find this a safe space to" out" that... particularly when the nature of the question is placed as an accusation.
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| How many of you would add to the list. And how many of you actually posting on this thread here have had SRS or been through any kind of medical gender altering experience? |
Calpernia identifies as straight... la de da... that wasn't the point. She's speaking her truth, and found a way to voice it in a way that is meaningful for her. I still find it comment worthy, and worth discussing. Sure she was sarcastic and patronizing... how often are questions directed and trans folk sarcastic and patronizing?
I can see some are offended by the video, and are being triggered for it. That's unfortunate, as again that wasn't my intent. However, I don't think anyone is sitting here laughing at trans folk, I know I laughed because Calpernia had said in her video a few things that we were thinking.... I'm laughing WITH her... in just as much discomfort as you can imagine... because unfortunately... these questions come up ALOT...
As for making a list of questions not to ask an Indian... I have a LONG list.... and I would love it if it became a youtube video.( I guess I know what I'm doing next weekend 
) And when I post it, I hope that other ndn's will resonate with it, and forward it on, to other ndn's and non-abs alike. Perhaps from there I will produce 10 questions not to ask a transsexual ndn..... and then....
drd
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